Our resident film buff 💪, Kate Corcoran, takes on fashion films, whether they be classics for every fashion girl's watchlist or surprising finds with looks that dazzle.
Elvira: Mistress of the Dark - 1988
James Signorelli
Corny, campy, and a whole lot of cleavage! This is one of those movies that’s so bad it’s great. And unfortunately, it has a timeless moral story.
The movie begins, and we immediately meet our protagonist, Elvira. Elvira is S E X Y!
Skin is snow white, hair is jet black, lips are as red as can be, and the twins are on full display. I’m drawn to her immediately. I’ve always loved a goth!
Since this movie is from the 80s and Elvira’s outfits are extremely low cut, she is groped less than 5 minutes in and sexually harassed for the entire 96 minutes. (Classic!) I’m not sure if the movie goes more than 60 seconds at a time without talking about and/or zooming in on Elvira’s boobs.
Elvira is treated like shit by basically everyone. Men literally cannot control themselves around her, and women hate her.
Shockingly, the nicest group of people in this movie is the teens. Go figure, cause IRL I’m terrified of teenagers and avoid eye contact with them at all costs.
Elvira inherits her great-aunt’s spooky house in Fallwell, Massachusetts, where everyone is prudish and wears pastel. The townspeople hate Elvira. She is waaaaay too weird and different (i.e. hot) for this sad, little New England town.
But here's the rub - Elvira is stuck in Fallwell until she fixes up her new house, prepares to sell it, and gets enough money to go to Vegas, where she belongs.
Along with the house, she inherits a dog and a recipe book. We soon learn that Elvira’s great-aunt had more than a spooky house – she had a shapeshifting dog and spellbook.
She was a witch!
And so is Elvira!
And so is her butt-hurt uncle, who received nothing in his sister’s will.
Craziness ensues when the town finds out all of this, and they literally try to burn Elvira at the stake. Guys, NOT COOL. It’s the 80s, not the 1600s (not that it was cool then either)!
Just ‘cause the new gal in town is a hot witch does not mean you have to kill her! Can’t we all just get along?!
Eventually, they do, but Elvira still leaves for Vegas when she finally sells the house because Fallwell just cannot contain her in all of her gothy glory.
Honorable mentions to...
- Elvira’s mourning look and her morning look.
- Elvira’s car interior
- Baby Elvira
- Gonk the dog’s makeover
- Edie McClurg sitting on someone’s face at a picnic orgy (!!!)
- Assault with a high heel
